It's been a while

I haven’t updated my blog for a long time.

I’ve asked myself why this is the case. Trying to become a mother takes up about 90% of my brain power, literally. I don’t know how to change this. I live a very busy life, so it’s not like I’m just sitting here, doing nothing else. I honestly can’t stop thinking about it. So I’m trying to give myself some slack for my one-track mind.

So, why haven’t I blogged? I think it is simply because infertility is boring. Very boring. I bore myself just thinking about it. Nothing happens. That’s the point. No baby. It can truly drive a person crazy.

I think I only like to talk about good things, and infertility is very, very, very hard. Excruciating, actually. But it’s obviously on my mind, so I’m going to try to get over myself and start typing.

We have been trying now for 14 months. The vast majority of women would be pregnant by now. The rest are split into two categories – those who will eventually become pregnant with luck, time and treatment, and those who will never get pregnant. Please God, let me be in the first category.

Starting in May, C and I began meeting with REs. We have met with a total of four. Two are in our area and the other two were within 2.5 hours driving. Most people don’t meet with so many, but I wanted to make sure that we were secure in our decision before moving forward. Plus, we wanted to give my ovaries a chance to heal from the drilling surgery. My obgyn who did the surgery said we’d have a good chance of getting pregnant in the first 3-6 months after the surgery. So we wanted to give it a chance. We’re now 4.5 months past surgery, with no pregnancy.

One of the REs we met said he believed we had less than 5% chance of conceiving on our own. He seemed to put our chances with IVF at about 30%. I cried. It hurt so much to hear that even the most aggressive and expensive treatment would still likely leave me childless. But it is our best chance, so we will go for it before looking into other options like adoption.

We selected an RE near us (Dr. Z) and will start working with him next month. My insurance will cover 50% of procedures other than IVF. Since we’re cash payers for IVF, the cost is crazy. Before we go into an expensive IVF cycle, we’re going to try a round of injectable drugs with regular intercourse. I just want to make sure my ovaries even respond to the medications. My FSH levels are already so high that there is a good chance that I will be a poor responder to stims. As long as I respond reasonably well, we will move forward with IVF.

I’m on cycle day six right now. We will try naturally this cycle, and then start giving me injections for the next one. We have an appointment on August 14th to have an ultrasound and learn how to give me the shots. Maybe we’ll be lucky enough to get pregnant naturally and it won’t even come to the shots…